“If I were to just try to follow or pretend I was somebody else, it wouldn’t be the most true and distinctive version of my highest leadership.”

Abby Falik

To achieve greater happiness at work, you don’t need your boss to stop calling you at night.  You don’t need to make more money.  You don’t need to follow your dream of being a sommelier, or running a B&B in Tennessee.  The biggest obstacle to happiness is simply your belief that you’re the prisoner of circumstance, powerless before the things that happen to you. “We create our own experience”


  • Avoid “good” and “bad” labels – when something bad happens don’t beat yourself up. Instead, when you make an error, be aware of it without passing judgement. “Do what you have to do, but don’t surrender your calmness and sense of peace.”
  • Practice “extreme resilience” – the ability to recover fast from adversity. “You spend much time in needless, fruitless self-recrimination and blaming others. “You go on pointless guilt trips and make excuses that you know are fatuous.  If you’re resilient, you recover and go on to do great things.”  If you avoid “bad thing” labels, you don’t have to practice resilience at all!
  • Let go of grudges – The key to being happy at work is to let go of grudges. “Consciously drop the past!” It’s hard, but with practice you will get the hang of it.
  • Don’t waste time being jealous – “When you’re jealous you’re saying that the universe is limited and there’s not enough success in it for me.” Instead, be happy, because whatever happened to him will happen to you in your current job or at another company.
  • Find passion in you, not in your job – You can fantasize about a dream job that pays you well and allows you to do some kind of social good, work with brilliant and likable colleagues and still be home in time for dinner. Be warned against searching for that perfect position, or even believing that it exists.  Instead, changing how you think about your current situation, instead of thinking of yourself as a temporary employee, identify yourself as someone who helps other co-workers provide for their families, take advantage of their benefits and save for the future.
  • Picture yourself 10 years ago and 10 years from now – Most problems that kept you awake ten years ago have disappeared. Much of what troubles you today will also vanish.  Realizing this truth will help you gain perspective.
  • Banish the “if/then” model of happiness– Many of us rely on flawed “if/then” model for happiness. If we become CEO, then we’ll be happy.  If we make a six-figure salary, then we’ll be happy.  There is nothing that you have to get, do or be in order to be happy.
  • Invest in the process, not the outcome – Outcomes are totally beyond your control. You’ll set yourself up for disappointment if you focus too much on what you hope to achieve rather than how you plan to get there.
  • Think about other people – Even in corporate America, where so much of work is every man for him or herself, inhabiting an “other-centered universe.” If the nice guy gets passed over for a promotion, he may still succeed in less tangible ways. “He may rise later in the shootout.”  Challenge the assumption that you need to be a dog-eat-dog person to survive in your work environment.
  • Swap multitasking for mindfulness – Multitasking gets in the way of happiness. “Multitasking simply means that you do many things badly and take much more time at it.” Instead try working on task for 20-minute intervals that you gradually increase to two-hour spans.  Turn off any electronic gadgets that can be a distraction.  With practice, you’ll be able to accomplish much more and with less effort.